How to Support Your Partner Through Menopause

Dr Natalie Hutchins
Sep 29
8 min read

Updated: Oct 8

By Eleanor Riches and Dr Natalie Hutchins

If your partner is going through menopause, you may feel unsure how best to help. One day she’s hot and restless, the next she’s exhausted from lack of sleep, and sometimes her moods shift in a second. It can be confusing and overwhelming (for both of you).

You don’t have to “fix” menopause. What matters most is showing up with empathy, patience, and a willingness to learn. Research consistently shows that when partners offer support (emotional, practical, and simply by listening), women cope better with the transition.

This article brings together the latest science on menopause and relationships, to help you understand exactly what’s happening and how your support can make a real difference.

What is menopause, really?

Menopause is the stage of life when your partner’s ovaries stop releasing eggs and producing key hormones like oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone.¹ It usually happens somewhere between ages 47 and 55.

Technically, menopause itself is just one day – the day a woman reaches 12 months without a period. The years leading up to that, when hormones fluctuate and symptoms appear, are called perimenopause. After the 12-month mark, she’s considered postmenopausal.²

Understanding menopause symptoms

Perimenopause symptoms can last anywhere from a few months up to a decade, with an average of around 4 years.² Hormone fluctuations during this time drive many of the common symptoms:

Hot flushes and night sweats: Falling oestrogen makes the brain’s internal “thermostat” more sensitive. It can misread normal body temperature as too hot, suddenly triggering sweating and flushing.
Sleep problems: Night sweats make it difficult to stay asleep, but lower hormone levels also disrupt the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle. Even if she’s exhausted, her body may struggle to switch off.
Weight gain and body changes: Lower oestrogen means the body is more likely to store fat around the middle and upper body. At the same time, muscle mass naturally declines. These changes can be frustrating, with a knock-on effect on mood and self-esteem.
Mood changes: Oestrogen influences brain chemicals like serotonin, which regulate mood. When hormone levels swing, it can feel like emotional whiplash. Add poor sleep to the mix and emotions become even harder to manage.
Brain fog: Hormones affect parts of the brain that handle memory and focus. That’s why she might temporarily forget or misplace things, or struggle to concentrate.
Vaginal dryness and discomfort: Oestrogen keeps the vaginal tissue soft and lubricated. Without it, those tissues thin and produce less natural moisture, which can make sex uncomfortable or even painful.
Changes in libido: For some women, hormonal shifts, tiredness and discomfort can limit their interest in sex. For others, libido might increase once pregnancy worries or monthly cycles are behind them.

Not every woman experiences all of these, and the intensity varies. Some hardly notice the transition, while others find it deeply disruptive. Either way, understanding why these changes happen helps you recognise what she’s going through – and how much your support matters.

Why your support matters

Menopause affects more than your partner’s body; it affects relationships too. Many women find comfort in shared experiences with their friends, but dynamics with their partners are mixed. Some feel supported, while others feel dismissed or misunderstood, which can put a big strain on relationships.

In one survey, almost a quarter of couples report frequent arguments linked to menopause symptoms and misunderstandings.³ Meanwhile, another study found that when partners actively offer emotional, practical, and informational support, women experience less anxiety during menopause.⁴

The message is clear: your understanding and support can make a real difference to how you both experience this transition.

The social side of menopause

Menopause isn’t just biological. Social and cultural factors play a big role in how women experience it. A review of 40 studies found that education, income, lifestyle, family support, and cultural norms all affect how women cope.⁵

For example:

Women with supportive partners and families report better mental health.
Those with financial strain or limited social support often experience more severe menopause symptoms.
Workplaces that acknowledge menopause make day-to-day life significantly easier.

Stress also makes symptoms worse.

A nine-year study of over 2,700 women found that stressful life events increased hot flushes and night sweats by 21%.⁶ Interestingly, social support didn’t directly reduce symptoms, but it did help women cope with them better.

You can’t stop the symptoms, but you can make them easier to live with by reducing your partner’s day-to-day stress. This might look like taking on more responsibilities, being patient with sleep disruption, or simply being there to listen.

Mental health in menopause

There’s a common belief that menopause automatically causes depression. The evidence tells a different story. A review of 12 large studies found no universal increase in depression or anxiety during menopause.⁷

Instead, certain women are more vulnerable:

Those with severe symptoms like hot flushes or persistent sleep problems.
Those experiencing stressful life events, like grief or caring for loved ones.
Those with a history of depression or anxiety.

In other words, mental health challenges during menopause are shaped by a mix of biology, symptoms and life pressures. Even if menopause doesn’t “cause” depression, navigating the transition can take a mental toll on your partner.

For couples, this can be particularly difficult. Mood changes can strain communication, and as a partner, you may feel unsure how to handle things. The most important step is to listen without judgement, take her concerns seriously, and support her in seeking help if she wants it.

Healthy lifestyle in menopause

Weight gain is one of the most common changes during menopause. Around half of women put on weight during this stage, averaging about 1.5kg a year.⁸ It’s not simply down to lifestyle; hormones play a big part:

Falling oestrogen shifts fat storage to the middle and upper body.
Muscle mass naturally declines, which slows metabolism.

These changes matter for health and confidence. Extra weight around the middle is linked with higher risks of heart disease and type 2 diabetes.⁸ But it can also leave women feeling frustrated and uncomfortable in their bodies.

Small, consistent habits can make a big difference:

Balanced meals: More protein, fibre and healthy fats.
Regular movement: cardio for stamina, strength training for muscle and bone health.
Better sleep and stress management: both help with symptoms and weight.

As a partner, your support really matters. Focus on health, not appearance. Cook and move together, encourage rest and remind her these changes are normal. What counts most is showing she’s valued for who she is, not how her body looks.

Sex in menopause

Menopause can bring changes to your sex life. For many couples, this can be unsettling. Vaginal dryness and pain during sex are common for women in menopause, and libido can rise or fall dramatically. Plus, women often worry about whether their partner still feels satisfied, adding to the mental pressure on top of physical symptoms.⁹

For you, it might feel like distance or rejection, but it isn’t. These changes are driven by hormones, not by a lack of attraction or love. The good news is that support exists. Many women go on to enjoy their sex lives again once their symptoms are managed properly.

Options might include:

Lubricants and vaginal moisturisers: Simple products to ease dryness.
Vaginal oestrogen: a local treatment that restores comfort and elasticity.
Hormone therapy: Medication can improve broader symptoms, including vaginal dryness.
Pelvic floor physical therapy: This can help with muscle tone, blood flow and comfort.

Finding ways to foster connection

While menopause symptoms can put pressure on physical relationships, intimacy is about more than sex. What matters most is how you adapt to the transition together:

Talk openly about what feels good and what doesn’t. Silence can make the issues feel larger than they are.
Don’t take changes personally. Fluctuations in desire are part of the transition, not a rejection of you.
Explore new types of intimacy; affection, touch and emotional closeness matter just as much as sex, especially when your partner is struggling.
Seek help if needed; lubricants, vaginal moisturisers, and hormone therapy can help make sex more comfortable.

It’s not always easy to raise these conversations, but couples who talk openly are far more likely to adapt and stay connected. With empathy and openness, menopause can even become an opportunity to build a deeper connection.

Helping her navigate treatment options

With so much advice and misinformation around, menopause treatment can feel overwhelming. Understanding the evidence will help you both cut through the noise and make informed decisions.

The most effective medical treatment for hot flushes and bone protection is hormone replacement therapy (HRT), also called menopausal hormone therapy (MHT). MHT works by replacing declining oestrogen (and sometimes progesterone and testosterone) with synthetic hormones to ease symptoms and protect long-term health.¹

Although it’s a valuable tool for menopause, women face barriers when considering MHT:

Stigma: Many women feel uncomfortable discussing menopause with their doctor.
Access: Not all healthcare providers are trained or confident in prescribing it
Understanding: Public debates about risks have left many women confused.
Cost: Depending on the healthcare system, treatment can be expensive.

Not all women can or want to take MHT. Non-hormonal approaches can also be effective.² These might include:

Certain medicines, like low-dose antidepressants, can help reduce hot flushes.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help with sleep and mood.
Lifestyle changes, like regular exercise, balanced diet, and stress management have all been shown to help ease symptoms and support long-term health.

Your role is to help your partner feel confident and empowered in whatever treatment she chooses.¹⁰ Start with:

Supporting her decisions: respecting her choices, even if they’re different from what you’d expect.
Going to appointments (if she wants): sometimes company makes it easier to take everything in.
Helping her find reliable information: from evidence-based sources rather than online misinformation.

Practical tips to support your partner in menopause

Here’s how to put the evidence into action:

Listen and validate. Believe her when she describes symptoms. Don’t joke or brush them off.
Share responsibilities. Lighten her load at home to reduce stress and tiredness.
Be flexible. Adjust your routines around disrupted sleep, rather than getting frustrated.
Stay informed. Learn about menopause together; it reduces stigma and misunderstanding.
Protect intimacy. Talk openly about changes in your sex life and explore new ways of connecting.
Encourage healthcare. If symptoms are overwhelming, support her in seeking medical advice.
Show patience. Mood shifts and brain fog are frustrating for her too; maintaining empathy goes a long way.

Making sense of the evidence

Menopause is a natural transition, but it can be tough – physically, emotionally and relationally. Your partner isn’t just managing symptoms, but also stress, expectations, and changes in how she feels about herself.

But the research is clear: women feel calmer and less anxious about menopause when their partners are actively supportive. Stress makes symptoms worse, but understanding and empathy help women cope. While menopause can put strain on relationships, couples who talk openly, adapt together and share the mental load often come through stronger.

If you take one thing from the science, let it be this: you don’t need all the answers. You just need to listen, learn, and walk alongside her. That’s the kind of support that makes all the difference.