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How to Thrive Postpartum: Matrescence, Motherhood & Why So Many Women Struggle After Birth

  • Writer: Dr Natalie Hutchins
    Dr Natalie Hutchins
  • 19 hours ago
  • 3 min read

Episode Introduction


Motherhood is often portrayed as instinctive, blissful, and immediately fulfilling. But for many women, the transition into motherhood is far more complex; emotionally, psychologically, and relationally.


In this episode of The Woman’s Handbook Podcast: How To Be A Woman, I’m joined by Dr Sylvia Wetherell Ph.D., a perinatal counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in maternal mental health.


We explore matrescence, the developmental transition into motherhood, and unpack why so many women feel blindsided, overwhelmed, or like they’re “failing”, when in reality they’re experiencing a normal, human response to an enormous life change.



Guest Bio


Dr Sylvia Wetherell Ph.D., is a perinatal counsellor, psychotherapist, and researcher specialising in maternal mental health. Her work spans the full reproductive journey; from fertility challenges and pregnancy, to birth trauma and the first years postpartum.

She has a particular clinical and research interest in birth trauma, postnatal anxiety, and trauma-informed therapies including EMDR, and works extensively with women and couples navigating the psychological transition to parenthood.



What We Cover In This Episode


00:00 – Matrescence: why motherhood is a developmental transition• Becoming a mother isn’t an “event”; it’s a stage spanning pregnancy to years postpartum• Why comparing matrescence to adolescence reduces shame and self-judgement


03:20 – “Baby brain” and why you don’t feel like yourself• Structural brain changes plus sleep deprivation affect memory and decision-making• Emotional intensity increases, including overwhelming love and vulnerability


06:10 – Returning to work: identity shift, confidence dips, and ‘mummy-tracking’• Why cognitive load feels heavier after maternity leave• The mismatch between workplace expectations and postnatal recovery


08:20 – The most common maternal mental health presentations• Birth trauma, prenatal depression, postpartum anxiety and panic• Fertility struggles, pregnancy loss, and relationship strain after baby


09:40 – Why modern motherhood feels so overwhelming• How “not wanting to scare women” leads to unrealistic expectations• The gap in antenatal education around identity, emotions, and relationships


16:10 – Couple dynamics after baby: assumptions, resentment, and survival mode• Why even strong relationships struggle after childbirth• Communication, expectations, and becoming allies rather than adversaries


19:05 – Ambivalence in motherhood: love, boredom, anger, and rage• Why instant bonding isn’t guaranteed and why that’s okay• Postpartum irritability and rage as common manifestations of exhaustion


23:00 – Intrusive thoughts after birth: common but rarely discussed• Why mothers fear disclosing them• The crucial reassurance: if the thought disturbs you, it’s not a reflection of intent


31:30 – The loss of the village and the impact of isolation• Why modern mothers, especially expats, are more vulnerable• How shared experience and connection protect mental health


34:10 – Birth trauma: when ‘everything went fine’ doesn’t feel fine• Trauma as a subjective experience, not just a physical outcome• Why PTSD after birth is often mislabelled as postnatal depression


44:30 – Treating trauma: EMDR, memory reconsolidation, and why Tetris helps• How EMDR helps reprocess traumatic birth and fertility experiences• The evidence behind playing Tetris after trauma to reduce memory intensity



What You Will Learn

  • What is matrescence, and how does it affect a woman’s brain and identity?

  • Why don’t all mothers feel an instant bond with their baby?

  • Are intrusive thoughts after birth normal — and what do they actually mean?

  • How can postpartum anxiety present differently from depression?

  • Why does motherhood trigger anger, irritability, and emotional overwhelm?

  • How does birth trauma differ from postnatal depression?

  • Why are women with fertility struggles at higher risk of postnatal distress?

  • What role does perfectionism play in maternal mental health?

  • How does isolation and loss of community affect new mothers?

  • When should women seek professional support — and from whom?



Key Takeaways

  • If motherhood feels harder than you expected, you are not failing; you are adapting. This is matrescence, and it deserves the same compassion and understanding we give adolescence.


  • Loving your baby and struggling at the same time is not a contradiction; it’s human. Ambivalence, grief, boredom, anger, and joy can all coexist.


  • Intrusive thoughts do not mean you are a bad or dangerous mother. They are common, distressing, and treatable.


  • You were never meant to do this alone. Isolation is one of the biggest drivers of maternal distress, and seeking support early is a strength, not a failure.



Further Resources



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